Blog #1 And so it begins...

I associate blogging with an inevitable level of candor, so allow me to begin by saying that I did not do classwork the first week of classes. I spent most of the week preparing for them, because my current situation, which entails adapting to my own illness, requires me to take a little more time to re-accustom myself to college life every semester. Though I am suspected to have chronic lyme disease, lupus, or some combination of the two, the diagnosis is still pending and my treatments are a "shot-in-the-dark" so to speak. I was not sure if I would be allowed back this semester after taking medical leave for Fall 2010, and I sat at my computer desperately trying to find online courses open that could be applied to my degree. This also proved difficult when my one-and-a-half-year-old hp laptop began falling apart at an alarming rate in a weird attempt to emulate my organs or something.

With that, I admit that this course was not my first choice. First of all, I'm not even sure I want anything to do with the medical field. While anatomy, biology, and health occupations have fascinated me since I was a child and the only one in my 4th grade class to know what an anatomical heart looked like, I'm not sure I can realistically make a career out of it any longer. Will I be able to work in such a stressful, demanding environment anymore? While I used to think of myself as the first person who would be able to handle something like the emotions associated with a pediatric oncology ward, stress now causes physical pain. Can I handle the courses to finish my degree? Can I work everyday for many hours? I have also developed a bone of contention with the system as my medical bills pile up, insurance premiums grow, and some doctors fail to do everything in their power to efficiently treat me and place money above all. All of this sometimes hinders my motivation in conjunction with my physical ailments and impending cognitive dysfunction (difficulty concentrating and memory loss that sometimes comes with systemic autoimmune diseases). Regardless, I am profoundly interested in health as a subject area and intend to utilize that passion as much as possible to succeed until I can finalize a life plan that is conducive to having a chronic illness.

Sorry if that seemed irrelevant, but that is what has been running through my mind "the first week of classes" among other things. I have also taken extensive steps to become more organized. I got a gigantic planner in which I have labeled and color-coded every assignment in every course calendar and came up with a system to categorize to-do lists and keep them minimal enough to actually accomplish. I also keep post-its of the days obligations on the cover of it so they are visible. I have always been known for my memory and resisted the idea of needing to do this for a while, but when you are ill there are certain realities you eventually have to face, even if they require more effort of you.

I also finally got to campus to get my textbooks for this course. I became instantly overwhelmed by all of the titles. It depressed me, even. I thought, "With everything going on, this is exactly what I need to be reading" in a sarcastic tone. I purchased my HIV course CD and winced as the bookseller shouted the title across the room to have somebody retrieve it as people stared at me. I began to consider the negativity associated with HIV-even my own feelings and fears when being at the Infectious Disease doctor's office alongside them. Sometimes when I tell people I have an autoimmune disease, their minds jump to AIDS and the expressions on their faces are ones of shock and disdain. Sometimes it is mingled with pity or profound sadness. How could "someone like me" have this thing they'd heard of? How did I allow myself to acquire it? Couldn't they be at risk in my presence?

At that moment, I decided that this course held relevance to me. It would not depress me nor would I associate it with bad memories. Instead, I would use what I learned to relate to it on what small level I could, to gain perspective and insight, to apply it in my frequent encounters with known HIV patients, and to correct misunderstandings. For my research, I want to focus on the attitude toward HIV and its stigma and combating it.

Did You Know

HIV is only transmitted through four fluids: blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. They also have to enter somebody's bloodstream in order to infect them.

While this seems elementary, there are a lot of people who believe otherwise. The following video examines a few of the most common myths regarding HIV transmission. The woman who created the video uses a bit of crude language, but I liked that she kept it simple. She is trying to be relatable, but consider this a warning. If you feel anything is not thoroughly explained or may be incorrect, please let me know.

Showing that HIV is relatively difficult to transmit is not meant to undermine its capability or understate our vulnerability, but rather to expel myths associated with HIV positive individuals living their daily lives and potentially harming yours. It also shows how much control you actually have in preventing it, allowing you to be more aware of the steps you can take.