Blog #10 Staying Positive When HIV Positive

My personal goal throughout this course and blogging experience has been to understand the stigma involved with HIV/AIDS through research and relating it to myself personally. I wished to explore attitudes, but so far I have forgotten one of the most important aspects, even while sort of mentioning it the entire time.

I'm referring to an HIV positive person's own attitude toward HIV. I have never battled with my own self-esteem or fought to retain and rebuild my own confidence as much in my whole life as since I have gotten more ill. I can only imagine what one goes through after being diagnosed with a virus with such typically negative views and known to have a grim outlook.

Everyday, I wonder if it my own fault that I'm sick somehow. Is "The Secret" the truth? Have I only gotten back whatever negative vibes and thoughts I have projected into the universe? Is it mental? Is it a manifestation of stresses and anger that have been repressed for years, now making me physically ill when I thought I was going about everything the "strong way"? How can one argue this viewpoint for someone whose contracted something as tangible as HIV? This perhaps goes back to people believing that HIV positive people are responsible for their own demise, which I do not believe. As previously mentioned, we all make mistakes-some just are coincidentally, and perhaps unfairly, more costly than others.

Still, I find it in me to be angry with myself sometimes. I am willing to bet that sometimes HIV positive people are angry with themselves, or with a person who passed it onto them, whether a parent or a partner. Unfortunately, it is likely that people with HIV may perpetuate the negative stigma, perhaps because it was one that they had in their own mines prior to contracting the virus. Now they seem themselves as something gross or among the "little" people who have "allowed" themselves to get to this point. Sometimes people wonder what they did to deserve whatever is going on.

There are more constructive ways to go about this, as I am learning for myself. Being subjected to an illness yourself is just a more in-your-face testament to the fact that almost anything can happen to anyone. If I were HIV positive, I would want to use my experience for good. Even though I am tired and feel sick, I try to be honest about my own illness (well, as much as I know about it) in order to purvey a greater understanding of chronic illness and that just because someone looks alright, it does not mean they are. You never really know what is going on in somebody's life. You can only be as kind as possible and not let any negative energy others emit effect you the same way so that you can stop the cycle.

Being sick also makes yourself feel...well, not as attractive. Maybe not in all cases. I feel like because I am tired, in pain, or weak, that I am a burden. Who would want to be with somebody like that? Besides, I often think I look as bad as I feel, no matter what I do. People with HIV must struggle with their sexuality. Think about how being HIV positive narrows down dating prospects or effects ones sex life.

It is also easy to think you are weak for giving in at all, so you might try to lead a normal life. When it does not work, it is easy to be mad at yourself for not going to every doctor, eating right, or taking all of your medicine.

Because other people's perception of you may be altered, the one of yourself is something that you must fight to keep positive as well.

Did You Know

Even people with illnesses feel grateful. Sometimes they are thankful to have some means of helping themselves, they are appreciative of the "wake up call" to live their life, or they feel they have the tools to help others.

Blog #9 Making a Living With HIV

I don't want to talk about the exact scenario that was described in the Question of the Week, but rather to discuss something that it made me think about as well as something I have been turning over and over in my own mind since my ailment became a more prominent issue.

Everyone faces the tough decision of what to do with their lives. Even people who end up inheriting the family business or are placed in a position by someone they know, they still make the choice to forego any other opportunities. This means, they have a choice. It is a blessing and a curse. You have the freedom to choose, but it can be overwhelming.

Still, the grass is of course no greener for those who don't have the freedom to choose. Sure, people with HIV cannot be discriminated by law; however, there are still instances of it, and there are even some jobs which those with HIV lawfully CAN'T do.

Fortunately, my disease is not contagious in any way, shape, or form. Still, as I struggle just to turn in assignments on time or have the strength to go to a real class, I run into a lot of obstacles. I like to spend time with my sorority and my friends, merely because my brain fog does not hinder my ability to talk as much as my school work, even though conversation takes some extra thought. It keeps my mind off things whereas sitting and doing work makes me constantly think about the pain and how hard it is to concentrate. No matter what I do, though...whether its recreational or obligatory, I need double the rest most people do for an hour of doing nearly anything that requires energy. I make sure that I get eight hours of sleep AT LEAST a night, no matter what time I get tired...generally it takes hours just to fall asleep, and when I wake up I am not refreshed. I toss and turn, have ridiculously vivid dreams where I get stuck in a limbo between being awake and asleep or sleep paralysis, and I recently started experiencing sleep apnea. Waking up early in the day is difficult, and my gas tank is officially on empty by early afternoon no matter how much I hydrate, eat right, and slept the night before. Going anywhere at all requires frequent sitting, paying attention to my blood pressure, dealing with being dizzy and my feet and hands going numb, etc...so the question that's been killing me for a few years now? How can I possibly work for a living?

There are things I can do to work on my health-afterall, I don't have a perfect diet, am not on every medication I could be, and I don't even know what I have exactly in order to treat it. It is my sincerest hope that I find out what it is, get the medication and therapies I need to live a quality life. I am still adapting and adjusting, and I am positive things will get easier. Still, I must be realistic to a degree. Even if I felt like I could do everything, would people want to give me a job knowing that I have an illness? Can I work in a medical environment where, if I end up on immunosuppressants, I would be more susceptible to catching illnesses to which I am exposed? Could my haziness, dizziness, numbness, or even pure exhaustion hinder me from performing the tasks I need to or endanger someone else? Even if I do everything possible to stay healthy, that in itself is a full time job. Do I have the time to do that and still work 9-5 everyday or even be on call? How long before I would get to have a say in my schedule?

All of this made me wonder what it is like for somebody with HIV. It is illegal to discriminate, but there are some careers that someone with HIV could be more likely to expose someone else to the virus. According to AIDSlegal.com, you can only be prevented from working in a field where you can pose a direct threat to someone while simply carrying out everyday activities. A great example they use is being a surgeon. Still, a teacher could cut themselves accidentally, but that is not something that is likely to happen everyday.

Having full-blow AIDS of course, is different, because complications of it are likely to inhibit someone's ability to work, especially because of the risk of exposing themselves to other illnesses more than the risk of transmitting it.

Unfortunately, there are still cases of unnecessary discrimination that occur today. In fact, here is a link to a bunch of cases where this has occured. One example is of a cosmetology school that denied and an HIV-positive woman enrollment. There is the possibility that an employer can deny someone with HIV a job with a false excuse, perhaps regarding lack of experience when they may have not been a factor for someone else. AIDSlegal.com also says that you are not required to say whether you have HIVor not for any jobs except those that don't allow people with HIV at all.

So, should you divulge your HIV status in the workplace? An interesting European website called pozitude.co.uk discusses the pros and cons.

Pros

• There is a certain freedom that comes with being "out".
• By divulging the information, one can become an advocate of awareness, educating coworkers on how difficult it is to be exposed as well as combat stigmas.
  
• Someone who tells their employer that they have AIDS may be able to work with them on reasonable accommodations.
• Someone who tells their boss that they have AIDS may be able to explain "gaps" in work history.

Cons

• Discrimination at work still happens, even with laws against it.
• You may not have the advantages of the pros.

While the cons list looks shorter, the right to privacy and the choice to set oneself up for potential discrimination is vital to our society. It is so important that many strides have been taken to protect people's privacy, such as the HIPA laws.

Did You Know
Even health workers, who used to be required to tell people about their HIV, no longer have to disclose the information, even to people who they are giving injections and the like to. In 2000, Professor Larry Gostin called for revisions to laws which forced them to tell, arguing that people would be unnecessarily stigmatized-influencing them in avoiding testing or leaving the medical field. The following link is to the Center for HIV Law and Policy's Guidelines for HIV-Positive Health Workers:

Guidelines

Blog #8 Copping Out Vs. Helping Cope

First, to dispel potential confusion: I have not blogged lately due to a death in the family, the details of which I may go into later to relate to this course. In other words, I owe the readers a few blogs, which are to come.

This week, though, I cannot help but to talk about a major current event, which got me thinking about a particular attitude regarding HIV: "If I don't have it, it is not my problem."

We all know what is going on in Japan (Don't worry, I will get to the relevance later). Okay, if you have been "living under a rock", too consumed by Spring Break mode to read yet, or simply following a usual routine devoid of attention to the news, I suggest reading articles at Huffingtonpost.com. Most, in my opinion, are without any partisan bias, informative, and easy to read.

Do you know what is going on? Good. Or bad. Ugh, being informed is so bittersweet isn't it? Now you have a choice. You can A. Feel sympathy while also feeling helpless-but at least you know what's going on, B. Feel sympathy and try to do something about it, or C. Not care. I'm not sure whether the latter comes naturally, is some practiced defense mechanism in place so that you don't feel any pressure or pain, or if it is blatantly chosen based on knowledge and your moral perception/form of logic.

I am generally an A or B person. I have heard the arguments for not coming to Japanese aid, such as America needing too much help itself to bother, the situation not being as bad as Haiti since Japan is not a developing nation, etc. There are several reasons that, while understanding how these notions may have emanated, I can't help but disagree. I can't see how this can be seen in an insignificant way. It has been said that the disaster rivals World War II in devastation and it is apparently the 4th worst earthquake in history.

I don't see why it is so difficult to help multiple causes. If we had the mentality of only helping those who need it most, we would run into several large issues. Who is to say what is the worst, when everything is relative? Do you have some tangible way of say, numerically categorizing disasters or human need and pain? Even if you could do that, imagine all of the groups that would go unrepresented and unassisted. The context I put it into dealt with my sorority's philanthropic efforts. Coincidentally, we help an organization that raises money for awareness and a cure for pediatric AIDS. While AIDS can be pretty terrible, chances are there are many people who don't believe it is the worst thing that could happen to someone, or that this particular group needs assistance the most. That's fine, but imagine is these people had a right or the power to take away this group and put it toward what they believed needed it the most. Imagine if all volunteer efforts went to one disaster or one disease or one nation. It does not seem very logical. Even worse, what if nobody helped anything that had nothing to do with them, in which case, when it finally did pertain to them...they probably would not have the ability to do much about it.

I am sure there are some cases where organizations temporarily shift their efforts to help with a very current problem, but generally I do not think funds are sacrificed from one need to go to another. Then, there is the argument that Japan can take care of themselves. A lot of people would think that about America as well, but I bet that we would be pretty upset if other wealthy nations did not help us during Hurricane Katrina. Not only that, but from the other side, if we did nothing to help them we would be criticized and the information could be used against us in the future, influencing other nations in helping us. This works on an individual basis as well. I know that the ten small dollars I donated to Japan this week would probably have gone to a movie ticket I did not need.

Japan is obviously no third-world country, but the impact the disaster has had cannot be ignored and probably is unimaginable from this far away, no matter how much we read or watch the news. I have read firsthand accounts of those impacted by the Tsunami in Indonesia in which survivors detail their losses and express their sympathy for Japan, wishing they could do something even though they themselves lost everything. Perhaps 10,000 people, the estimated death toll in Japan, seems like a number. Maybe it is even a smaller toll than another event's. There are deaths everyday we don't know about. Regardless, those people had families who are now suffering. Those people had jobs with companies that are now suffering. Those companies are suffering, so survivors are suffering. With globalization, it is inevitable that other nations are now suffering. In some way, it could have a negative impact on you. It is confirmed that UCF students were even in Japan at the time of the earthquake.

No matter how they started out, many of the resources Japan would need to "take care of themselves" could in fact be the ones that they lost. Despite what existed before, there are hundreds of people without homes or jobs, water or electricity, etc. that need to be accounted for as their resources are displaced. The infrastructure of the city and the way it runs has been torn apart. Because pain is relative, I view suffering or discomfort as a deviation from a norm. Compared to what they were, Japan is without a doubt hurting. From my perspective, I am in pain everyday, but it could definitely be worse. That does not mean I am not frustrated by how it hinders me, or that because I don't need as much help as a paraplegic, I don't need help at all.

Imagine even all of the sick survivors in Japan. Hospitals resources are being taken up, people who need electricity and water to survive don't have it, and even AIDS patients may not be getting the care they need.

With HIV, it seems that some people don't care, or don't wish to help, because they are uninformed or because it is not personally relevant. Even though I touched a lot on Japan, I think this view unfortunately encompasses so many things and is the mentality of many in regards to HIV/AIDS. It could happen to anyone. It happens to people who in no way "deserve" it. It happens to people who are affluent even, but they never thought they would have to pay the bills for HIV or need support. I intend to help whatever way I can, because it is now a passion. If I can't help financially or physically, I want to help perpetuate the truth. Still, while AIDS seems in dire need of defense, I truly believe that if I had the means, time, and knowledge...I would want to do this for anything. Sometimes we are limited it what we can do, but thankfully organizations are specialized for that reason. Help is distributed. You can't do something about everything-chances are you can't even totally fix one thing- but does that mean not to do it all? It helps when you have a connection to an issue, but as long as some sympathy is involved, you can always at least try SOMETHING. There is a lot beauty in this world, and a lot of ugliness that allows us to see it. Odds are the planet will never be completely cleansed of what makes it hurt, but that does not mean we should sit back and do nothing about anything that does not immediately effect us firsthand.

Did You Know

King Mswati III, the king of Swaziland (a nation profoundly effected by HIV), supposedly believes that HIV-infected people should be wiped out. Interesting how even an official leader, though apparently corrupt in other ways, can be so insensitive about a disease that is so prominent within the very land he rules. How directly must something impact an individual before they become inclined to do their part to help?

To read more, visit this article.

AIDS: Music to the ears?

When it comes to art, I have a very open mind. Theatre is probably one of my favorite mediums for story. I can appreciate the realistic to the fantastic, musical and none, classic and avante-guarde, when it comes to witnessing performances live on stage. If there is anyplace you can get away with almost anything in the name of artistic representation, it's the theatre. One of the most well-known depictions of HIV is that shown in RENT, a musical about the "bohemian" lifestyle, independence, urban life, and HIV. Or is it?
I honestly did not appreciate the movie RENT, but when I finally saw it on stage at UCF, as one of the last people I knew who like musicals to have seen it, it opened my heart to the different, fun-to-listen-to (mostly) score, funny dialogue, and interesting balance of drama and comedy. Despite some crazy characters, jokes, and over-the-top acting that is traditional of musicals, one of the later scenes includes the lovable drag-queen/homosexual character dying from AIDS complications.
I recall shedding tears during the scene, but while things like this create sympathy about the disease, do they also perpetuate stereotypes? Yes, it's true that AIDS is an issue in the gay community and urban areas, but that isn't the whole story. Someone who is only exposed to artistic portrayals of AIDS such as this could come away with that idea. At the same time, does the fun of a musical or any show counteract the sympathy it evokes?
Consider the movie Team America. The most popular song from the comedy goes something like, Everyone has AIDS, AIDS, AIDS!" with the action figures dancing around, driving an untrue message into the heads of viewers like a big joke. Personally, I found the movie funny, but at the time I did not stop and think about these implications. When I asked what readers of this blog thought about comedic takes on HIV, such as that in the South Park episode, most people expressed some concern about insensitivity or misrepresentation.
In my opinion, you can't sensor art, whether it's your idea of art or not. You cannot expect one piece to show anything from every angle. Even an autobiography, written by the person whom its about as a firsthand account, leaves bits and pieces unaccounted for, shifting the focus on certain things like a filter. Should we expect to take the humor out of anything that somebody, somewhere may find offensive? The only thing we can do is combat this with education while enjoying the arts. It is unfortunate that some people take things too literally because they don't have the knowledge to do otherwise, but that is why we need to do what we can to spread awareness.
A recent comment from Teach also addressed the role humor plays in coping. I have to agree. As someone with a chronic illness, I find laughter to be the "best medicine" but kind of natural. Doctor's visits become such a routine that to take it too seriously would mean to be depressed nearly every day. I realize that it's serious and feel the pain, but it is not reason not to find some comedy in everything. For instance, I have become even more scatter brained and clumsy since getting more sick. I have "brain fog" and am often dizzy, making my coordination and balance off. I was already someone who experienced relatively frequent falls and spills, but now it's just ridiculous, and I constantly lose things. People make fun of me, but if I didn't take it lightly it would only add more stress. Even when I am hurting, I laugh at myself for moving like an elderly person or not being able to get out of bed like I am lazy. For me, there is no other way to take it.

Did You Know

RENT is widely regarded in the theatrical community and elsewhere as a huge awakening for the public regarding AIDS. I have heard personal testimonies about the show in which people believe it is a good teaching tool and plan to have their children see the show someday. I was able to find little information on the attitudes of actual HIV positive people regarding the show.
With my own illness, I know that I often find different accounts easy to relate to, even if they aren't entirely the same. When I hear songs written about lupus or see it on TV, I am grateful that is mentioned at all and am reminded that I am not alone. I look forward to finding out how individuals who are HIV positive feel about this kind of stuff through interviews.

MEDIAting the AIDS Epidemic

I originally intended to discuss AIDS in the media from the perspective of how it is often portrayed in fiction, but before I do that, I wish to talk about something I stumbled upon this week as it is currently more prominent in my thoughts.

I recently got a writing gig for an online magazine's UCF branch. It is geared toward collegiate women-the paperless college Cosmopolitan, if you will. I was sitting with another writer, discussing ideas for future article, and I casually mentioned that I was blogging about HIV for a class. "Maybe I could use that for something," I said, attempting to utilize my newfound comprehension of HIV disease awareness. Immediately, I received a look that said "You're kidding, right?" Interesting, I thought. This particular magazine has thus far established itself on the basis of being "real". It is not crude or dirty, but things like sex and body image are freely discussed. What is it about this subject that irks people so?

Even I've noticed that, as some means of "playing safe", AIDS articles often focus on the scientific aspect rather than its social and emotional implications, failing to tackle the attitudes about AIDS that are actually major culprits of facilitating the spread of the disease. Upon researching the topic of AIDS in the media, a sort of assessment done on mediachannel.org confirmed that this is the thought of many a journalist, some of which are trying to take it upon themselves to do their part in spreading awareness about every dynamic of the disease.

I believe that by taking a more subjective approach, unlike with some subjects, we might be able to use pathos (though un-exaggerated), to instill within average readers (who may not get the opportunity to explore HIV/AIDS like we do through this class) a greater understanding of the significance of the disease and how it relates to society. In fact, the description of one link found on the mediachannel.org story mentions a narrative about a family dealing with AIDS and outlines methods for journalists to follow its lead in writing more relevant stories that can accomplish the same reactions for everyday media. Journalists, while often discredited for a lack of integrity in bringing stories, that are sometimes biased, to the general public, are actually in a powerful position to reach others that might not otherwise delve into a world that as of yet is not their own.

http://www.mediachannel.org/originals/aids.shtml

Did You Know

I've seen different portions of this website come up on a couple of other blogs and I actually posted the link in a reply, but I think it's something everybody should read. Misconceptions about the origin of HIV contribute to the lack of knowledge surrounding the disease, so here is an article regarding the history of HIV. While it does, like many sources, mention that the first known cases popped up in the gay community, realize that it is currently significant to everyone.

http://www.avert.org/origin-aids-hiv.htm

The site also contains some firsthand accounts that better describe the multi-faceted disease than the biology articles I often come across. The latter are interesting, but do not grab the attention of everyone and give the insight necessary to promote awareness.

Naturally Curious

The battle between natural methods of healing and conventional medicine is one that has been prominent in my life, though many people unquestionably revert to the latter. My parents inherited a health appliance wholesale business from my grandparents, and they distribute juicers, blenders, and more to hundreds of sellers while corresponding with some of the biggest proponents of holistic medicine. Years ago, they met with a couple who practices natural medicine, and we worked with them for our chiropractic and diet needs for a long time. For this reason, a lot of emphasis has been placed on natural treatments since I began struggling with autoimmune symptoms, and it leads me to wonder what role it plays in AIDS treatment.

There is a lot of controversy surrounding natural medicine-coincidentally, like AIDS, a lot of it stems from a lack of understanding and research. Despite the exposure I have had to holistic methods, I remain skeptical about a lot of things. Not only can it be expensive and time consuming to see holistic practitioners, eat organic, or purchase and take the vitamins and supplements often recommended, but it is difficult to tangibly say that it is working. I watched my grandpa die of cancer after trying to treat it naturally, and my own difficulties with utilizing these treatments and simultaneously engaging in college life have lead me to be less than completely confident in them; however, overall, I believe that a combination of conventional and holistic methods is the best way to treat most chronic diseases. But how does AIDS factor in?

Whenever I think of AIDS treatments, the notorious "AIDS cocktail" comes to mind. The AIDS cocktail is a combination of medicines used to boost the immune system, fix some of the damage that HIV has caused, as well as reduce the amount of HIV in the body. This seems essential for a disease that is so serious and could claim a lot more lives at a younger age, if not for technology. Still, there is an emphasis on nutrition in the AIDS world as well. Besides, a lot of pharmaceutical remedies are derived from things found in nature, so if you know what you're doing, it makes sense that certain combinations of foods, plants, etc could assist in treating AIDS, even if they cannot be an exclusive answer.

The AIDS Education and Training Centers (AETC) National Resource Center (NRC) refers to these remedies as "alternative and complimentary therapies". "Complementary" seems like an ideal word. Many links regarding HIV/AIDS and alternative medicine can be found at http://www.pitt.edu/~cbw/hiv.html.

Did You Know

While my blog this week reflected some thoughts I was having, it steered a bit away from attitudes regarding HIV/AIDS. To get back on track, I leave you with an example of AIDS in the media (something I wish to talk about more next week).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jmuOhy-YXdE

The full episode is called "Tonsil Trouble" and was episode 1 of season 12. I could not find a working episode to link here, but they can usually be viewed at southparkstudios.com.

I am interested to read some perspectives about this humorous take on a serious disease. Is humor a good or inappropriate mechanism for dealing with HIV/AIDS awareness? What do you think HIV positive people think about this episode of South Park?

Blog #2

A classmate of mine who recently commented my last blog mentioned the sympathy that many people feel toward those with cancer being greater than that felt for those with HIV, because many view the latter as a disease that is often contracted due to the infected person's own actions. Actually, this goes along the lines of something I've been wrestling with for some time now.

Like HIV, I think that many diseases are stigmatized in certain ways. From my perspective, cancer instills within people a particular amount of fear and sympathy. A lot of this comes from awareness. Cancer gets a lot of philanthropic and media attention, and there are many different types infecting many different kinds of people. While HIV needs and gets some fundraising, media coverage, and is more widely experienced than people may think, its association with unprotected sex, and the mentality that it is only relevant to the gay community and/or minorities plays a role in its negative connotation and lesser compassion that is so often found with cancer.

My own autoimmune disorder is sometimes compared to AIDS, but while AIDS is characterized as an underactive immune system (one is more susceptible to externally acquired illnesses), lupus is an overactive immune system (the immune system attacks your own body). I am pretty open about my ailment while trying to live a normal life and keep complaints to a minimum, but most people do not understand it anyway. Because I am able to look relatively healthy most of the time, like many people with HIV for example, people sometimes don't believe me or cannot sympathize with the struggles. I have been around many people with cancer, and while it is completely warranted, they do receive a lot more support both out of a knowledge of what cancer can do/what treatments are like, and the presence of sometimes more visible adversities.

One huge perception of HIV that I don't have to deal with is that many believe the infected individuals are at fault. While poor decisions like using contaminated needles for drugs or having unprotected sex with infected individuals can lead to HIV, there are many people who A.) do these things and never suffer from the disease and B.) who contract it at birth or even by certain medical procedures gone awry, etc. Regardless, people make sex-related "mistakes" all the time. Not only is it unfair for the relative few who contract HIV to be "punished", but it really is not good for anyone to be, sometimes for making one wrong move that changes the course of their life. It reminds me of when young pregnant women are looked down upon even though so many people have premarital sex. Whether they voluntarily had unprotected sex or it was an accident, to an extent it could have happened to any of them. Speaking of vulnerability, HIV effects as many different races, ages, and sexually orientations as cancer.

Arguably, while cancer is not as directly or immediately preventable, many life choices can lead to it. Smoking is one of the most prevalent causes of cancer and the main culprit of lung cancer, and people who smoke now know the risks, yet continue to do it for years-sometimes even after being diagnosed with cancer. Yet, they don't seem to suffer the same way HIV positive/AIDS patients do from what it seems. Other factors like lack of exercise, diet, and exposure to carcinogens can either compound or replace genetic causes of cancer-but people allow it to happen. Of course, they still deserve treatment, compassion, and to be functional members of society whenever possible...and so do the HIV positive.

Did You Know

I actually tried to look up attitudes about cancer versus HIV and did not find much. This gives me an interesting aspect for my own research, in which I think it would be cool to conduct some interviews and have a firsthand resource for statistics and dialogues on people's perceptions. Still, I came across some information about AIDS-related cancers that I never really thought about or heard much of even though it makes sense.

Whenever I think of AIDS and the susceptibility to illness it entails, cancer doesn't come to mind. I think of colds or other viruses capable of killing people with a suppressed immune system; however, people with AIDS are more susceptible to cancer, especially certain types like Kaposi sarcoma.

The following is a graph depicting a relationship between breast cancer and AIDS diagnosis:

Image from: http://dceg.cancer.gov/newsletter/Linkage0307.html

Apparently, the trials of cancer do not transcend that of HIV/AIDS.


For more information, check out: http://www.cancer.gov/cancertopics/types/AIDS
http://dceg.cancer.gov/newsletter/mar07/figure1.gif

Blog #1 And so it begins...

I associate blogging with an inevitable level of candor, so allow me to begin by saying that I did not do classwork the first week of classes. I spent most of the week preparing for them, because my current situation, which entails adapting to my own illness, requires me to take a little more time to re-accustom myself to college life every semester. Though I am suspected to have chronic lyme disease, lupus, or some combination of the two, the diagnosis is still pending and my treatments are a "shot-in-the-dark" so to speak. I was not sure if I would be allowed back this semester after taking medical leave for Fall 2010, and I sat at my computer desperately trying to find online courses open that could be applied to my degree. This also proved difficult when my one-and-a-half-year-old hp laptop began falling apart at an alarming rate in a weird attempt to emulate my organs or something.

With that, I admit that this course was not my first choice. First of all, I'm not even sure I want anything to do with the medical field. While anatomy, biology, and health occupations have fascinated me since I was a child and the only one in my 4th grade class to know what an anatomical heart looked like, I'm not sure I can realistically make a career out of it any longer. Will I be able to work in such a stressful, demanding environment anymore? While I used to think of myself as the first person who would be able to handle something like the emotions associated with a pediatric oncology ward, stress now causes physical pain. Can I handle the courses to finish my degree? Can I work everyday for many hours? I have also developed a bone of contention with the system as my medical bills pile up, insurance premiums grow, and some doctors fail to do everything in their power to efficiently treat me and place money above all. All of this sometimes hinders my motivation in conjunction with my physical ailments and impending cognitive dysfunction (difficulty concentrating and memory loss that sometimes comes with systemic autoimmune diseases). Regardless, I am profoundly interested in health as a subject area and intend to utilize that passion as much as possible to succeed until I can finalize a life plan that is conducive to having a chronic illness.

Sorry if that seemed irrelevant, but that is what has been running through my mind "the first week of classes" among other things. I have also taken extensive steps to become more organized. I got a gigantic planner in which I have labeled and color-coded every assignment in every course calendar and came up with a system to categorize to-do lists and keep them minimal enough to actually accomplish. I also keep post-its of the days obligations on the cover of it so they are visible. I have always been known for my memory and resisted the idea of needing to do this for a while, but when you are ill there are certain realities you eventually have to face, even if they require more effort of you.

I also finally got to campus to get my textbooks for this course. I became instantly overwhelmed by all of the titles. It depressed me, even. I thought, "With everything going on, this is exactly what I need to be reading" in a sarcastic tone. I purchased my HIV course CD and winced as the bookseller shouted the title across the room to have somebody retrieve it as people stared at me. I began to consider the negativity associated with HIV-even my own feelings and fears when being at the Infectious Disease doctor's office alongside them. Sometimes when I tell people I have an autoimmune disease, their minds jump to AIDS and the expressions on their faces are ones of shock and disdain. Sometimes it is mingled with pity or profound sadness. How could "someone like me" have this thing they'd heard of? How did I allow myself to acquire it? Couldn't they be at risk in my presence?

At that moment, I decided that this course held relevance to me. It would not depress me nor would I associate it with bad memories. Instead, I would use what I learned to relate to it on what small level I could, to gain perspective and insight, to apply it in my frequent encounters with known HIV patients, and to correct misunderstandings. For my research, I want to focus on the attitude toward HIV and its stigma and combating it.

Did You Know

HIV is only transmitted through four fluids: blood, semen, vaginal fluids, and breast milk. They also have to enter somebody's bloodstream in order to infect them.

While this seems elementary, there are a lot of people who believe otherwise. The following video examines a few of the most common myths regarding HIV transmission. The woman who created the video uses a bit of crude language, but I liked that she kept it simple. She is trying to be relatable, but consider this a warning. If you feel anything is not thoroughly explained or may be incorrect, please let me know.

Showing that HIV is relatively difficult to transmit is not meant to undermine its capability or understate our vulnerability, but rather to expel myths associated with HIV positive individuals living their daily lives and potentially harming yours. It also shows how much control you actually have in preventing it, allowing you to be more aware of the steps you can take.

Introduction

My name is Jacquelynne Bernstein and I am in my fourth year at University of Central Florida. I am currently enrolled in a course called "HIV Disease: A Human Concern" for the Pre-clinical Health Sciences major. This blog will be used to convey the things I learn during my progression toward HIV awareness. While many know of the as-of-yet incurable virus and have developed certain attitudes in its regard, relatively few who are not experiencing it firsthand understand the effect of the stigma, have delved into the myths versus realities, or taken the time to realize the volume of its effects or the vulnerability of everyone, even outside the stereotypes.

As a chronic lyme disease/systemic lupus patient, I have had a taste, albeit just a sample, of what it's like to have an incurable autoimmune disease like AIDs. Due to the nature of my symptoms, I have been previously suspected to have the disease, and though I tested negative, the mere prospect was so frightening, I can only imagine what it is like to test positive. I have sat in waiting rooms with individuals openly discussing their battle with HIV and have thus realized my own prejudices and lack of comprehension about the experience up to that point. Half of the battle, I now believe, is dealing with the negative stigma of the disease and trying to remain a productive, accepted member of society without putting others or themselves at risk. HIV positive individuals' achievement of this, however, is also contingent upon the knowledge of the people they are trying to share a world with in equality.